Early this week I had a major meltdown. Yep, it was a doozy. And it all surfaced just before I was headed out to teach class. Ahh... isn't timing divine? ;)
There was of course, a circumstance... but the storyline that triggered me is of little importance. Very little in fact. Because we are rarely upset about what-is-happening around us; it's more often than not about what-is-stirring at greater depths. Nevertheless, in the moment I was caught in a web of emotion that spun me into full-blown tantrum.
It wasn't pretty. Nope, not at all.
I pointed fingers, found fault.
I cursed my sensitive nature.
I shouted, sobbed, and snotted my discontent.
And then... even though my body was flooded with adrenaline and panic, I was able to zoom out.
Change is a'rockin' my world. I mean November has been an up-leveling of grand proportions. 16 days ago I moved in with my beloved... a huge move for a single woman of 38. My independence has defined me for so long, it's an adjustment to allow the risk and the vulnerability of partnership, weaving my life together with another.
Add to that, I've promised on the delivery of another newborn coaching program. My creative process equals motherhood (it means that much to me). And, I feel the blissful pain-pleasure of birth pending. Daily I vacillate between exhilaration and anxiety (btw, the only difference between the two is all in whether or not I choose to BREATHE). I scribble down inspired ideas: yay! that's what I mean to say!... come face-to-face with doubt: oh holy shit, can I really pull this off?!... and mostly do my best to occupy the space in between.
Trust is up for me, on oh-so many levels.
Which brings us back to my major meltdown moment ah-hah. I am actively learning how to trust myself. The ability to ZOOM OUT while while deeply triggered was a gift... it enabled me to know what I am really up against internally. The terror of taking a chance on me, my passion, and what I love most. I am learning to trust (not someone else) but ME. Overriding a practiced insecurity and risking the reach anyway.
Once I began speaking to that, connection within (and thus, with my partner) was re-established immediately.
YOUR TURN >>>
Are you projecting your pain onto a circumstance that has you feeling out of control?
Does the idea of actually feeling the weight of it all make you want to curl up and/or lash out?
Are you creating more work for yourself by fighting against or pretending to be powerless?
Are you focused on this&that, him&her... and ignoring the deeper work?
(note: answer 'all of the above' if you've been feeling stuck for awhile)
I invite you to zoom out... which will enable to you tune IN:
1 ~ Take a higher vantage point by stepping above the storyline.
2 ~ Admit what you're afraid of and/or what you're really fighting for/against.
3 ~ Stick to YOUR truth; take back what is yours to own (your feelings, needs, desires).
4 ~ Allow the pain and vulnerability to bubble up and access the deeper edge you are working.
5 ~ Reframe this edge, creating an intention that you promise yourself to focus on moving forward.
6 ~ Communicate BOTH the vulnerability and the strength you're conjuring to establish more intimate connection.
It was this basic process that enabled me to move from meltdown: I can't do this! It's too fuckin' much!... back to a place of centered self-empowerment in just 15-minutes time. It should be noted that having a supportive partner as an ally (once I stopped pointing fingers at him! ;) and a witness helped move things along more quickly.
NEVER underestimate the power of entrainment. The people you surround yourself with matter more than you think.
And embrace your meltdowns, Reader... they are opportunities to bust through, if you are willing to stop spinning the story.