Why do so many shy away from spilling the truth?
Partially because many so-called "truth-tellers" express themselves in ways that leave the people around them feeling slimed. Deeply compassionate souls aren't really all that interested in contributing to and/or wading through all that muck... so they suck it up and keeping their truth tucked safely inside.
I recently read this quote on Facebook:
It's funny how everybody considers honesty a virtue, but nobody wants to hear the truth.
Hmm... I suggest you immediately give pause to anyone uttering these words. While I believe there is certainly something to that notion, more often than not this is used as a convenient excuse following ineffectual delivery.
What if we were to take more responsibility for how our expression is being received by the world?... for the results that we are getting? Perhaps the truth doesn't always have to hurt... and speaking out doesn't have to mean alienating others, burning bridges, or mass rebellions.
There is no such thing as perfect communication, nor is there a guaranteed sidestep for emotional triggers. Nevertheless how the world repeatedly responds to us has more to do with what we are bringing than we are often willing to take ownership of.
When it comes to communicating (that includes hearing!) what matters most, we often get derailed by our wounds. Our best intentions to own and express our vulnerability miss the mark because most of us don't have healthy models of how to do this. Instead, we end up "tantruming" vs. sharing, shrouding our pain in justifications and/or mature posturing.
We rarely get the results we want, because our deepest truth just isn't being conveyed. Sharing a story is not the same thing as sharing intimacy. In fact, it's more often than not a distraction from the connective opportunities stewing beneath the surface. Connection results from diving beneath the drama. It's learning to courageously expose and admit pain, especially when primal instinct urges you to lash out. It means owning protections and projections more fully... speaking directly about what it is you are most afraid to own.
Save yourself the struggle and get to the heart of what it is you want to express to those you love. Let go of the storyline (ever-open to interpretation), stop pointing fingers (defense kills connection, ownership feeds it), and speak to the inarguable truths deep within (your own feelings, needs, and desires).
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