Watershed Moment ~ 12/12/13 8:00pm PST
Today would have been my brother Tony's 39th birthday. Tonight I sit with a heavy heart, reading and reflecting upon the final email exchange that he and I had before his passing in the spring 2010... one in which he encouraged me around my ever-changing passions. He wrote to me: "You have a wonderful way with audible and written words. Depth, clarity of purpose, and impact all describe your use of language." He used to love reading my posts and offering his reflections.
And as he knew all too well, it is when I am broken open that my words spill most authentic. Thus at this dark hour of the night in the shadow of his passing, I feel a familiar tug in my gut... urging me to express, promising the relief that awaits just on the other side of baring it all.
I'm in the business of expressing change. Constantly. It seems my path (and how I naturally reflect for those around me) has everything to do with honoring continual adjustments in life; allowing each external change of course to result in greater self-calibration. I specialize in watershed moments, but I gotta tell ya... it isn't always smooth sailing.
I've spent the past couple of weeks sick and a bit discouraged. Registration isn't what I had hoped for a new online program, even though it's jam-packed with value. To be honest, packaging my inspiration is a real drag. It's been somewhat of a buzz kill (not because I have any issue with the making of money)... for me packaging sucks because selling my most heartfelt labors of love and tying my creative expression to "a promise" diminishes potential for the real return. The return outside of the money... the one that really matters most to me. It's what Tony highlighted back in 2009... that I'm only now really starting to get. Impact is the return that makes it all worthwhile. It truly pains me that only a handful of people will benefit from all that I pour into the next three months. Requiring people to "buy-in" in order to experience the return just isn't working for me. Not at all.
Rest assured, I see that it is me who I created it this way. I am an impassioned writer... marketing myself as a coach. I want it to be the other way around. Creating programs (and even sharing with you all here) is more or less an excuse to write, an avenue for my greatest passion. I'm only now realizing that I've been missing the point.
My writing and creative expression isn't mean to be a commodity, it's meant to be shared.
Nothing pains me more than feeling out of integrity; Tony and I most certainly had that in common. Which is why I am telling you all of this. I feel blessed that so many people seem to find value in my musings... and I plan to allow my faith in my writer self (and in the bigger picture) to propel future creations. I want to give of myself to the world, not hide behind a promise. Self publication here I come... and you'll be getting more from me in the year to come.
Does this mean I will stop coaching?
Hell no... but I'd love to stop calling it that.
And I'm immediately adjusting the upcoming program to honor this shift... clearing away the coach-speak, technological fluff, and getting down to the REAL business of modeling expression. Currently there are only 6 women enrolled but I can promise you that these lucky ladies are about to get the very best of me. I'm going to pour my passion on the page (and into our live classes) more deliberately and fiercely than ever before. I will model through vulnerability... I will share and offer my own liberated expression without concern for bottom lines or delivery on packaged promises. Because neither of those motivate me to create.
What motivates me? >>> Sharing what authentically moves me and feeling it resonate.
Filling an honest-to-goodness need in the moment, without even trying.
Thank you for continually being my witness, Reader.
BTW if you'd still like too join in the TribeNectar Immersion experience, it's not too late.
Message me directly to discuss whether it's right for you.