Death & Detox

Some say it takes 21 days to create a new habit. I'd consider that fairly spot-on, given my recent experience. Yesterday marked three weeks of body detox for me... no caffeine, no sugar, no dairy, no gluten/grains, no alcohol. The first 3 days were a real bitch, but I've been astounded since then by how easy it has been to override cravings that seem to pass through me like lightning if I give them very little space in my mind. I feel physically amazing... strong and lean... and mentally I have gained more power than I could have imagined I would. 

And then yesterday happened. Life stepped in to put me evermore to the test. My stepdad, who has been ill for some time now, died early in Tuesday morning. I woke to a message from my mom sobbing; no matter how old I get the sound of my mom crying tears me to pieces. I won't go into the countless layers of emotion surrounding his death for me, but suffice to say it's complex... since then it's been roughly 24 hours of on/off self-torturous inner dialogue.

As it typically is with emotional surges, deep cravings rose to meet them on cue - techniques of self-soothing I have used most of my life to medicate through emotional pain. Last night, I wanted to crawl inside of a loaf of bread slathered with butter and let it cushion me forever. Lattes, martinis, french fries... they called out to my heaviness with familiar and intoxicating recognition. 

And I said no... I said "no thanks" to every. single. urge. 

Not because I have to say no. Nor because I believe it's wrong to engage the pleasures of food and drink. (ha! I'm a total foodie, are you kidding me?!) I'm not at all interested in being some sort of nutritional martyr - self-righteous denial has nothing to do with my choices here.

I won't give into my cravings because I made a promise to myself... 30 days, no matter what. Every single day that I wake up in integrity with any vow I make to me I gain - not just greater health (that's just the icing) - I gain confidence that I have the power to design my life as I see it. Not to mention I gain access to yet another beautiful-ugly blessing; this time I deal with my emotions by looking at them versus drowning them in denial. I'll let you know how that goes. ;)

In the meantime, how about you, Reader? Are you keeping the promises you make to yourself?